That is the question. Or to be more precise, to drive 25 miles to church, or to stay at home.
Its not that I don’t want to go, you understand. Its just a combination of the time and distance, plus right now having poorly people at home who need looking after, that makes me somewhat reluctant. Sometimes the weather prevents the journey, occasionally its been a lack of money for petrol, but usually its the dilemma of being 25 miles/45 minutes away from someone who is ill and needs my support.
I think that its too easy to be hard on yourself for taking a difficult decision like this. But its equally easy to talk yourself into something, not because its what is actually needed but because you’re feeling a touch on the lazy or sleepy side. And its not just church, it can be all sorts of things – do I go to college to do my OU studies today or not, do I stick to my diet today or not, do I need to go shopping today or can we last until tomorrow.
Anything that presents a dilemma of distance, contact-ability, and lack of availability to the people who rely on you will regularly make a family carer think. I care for my husband and our eldest son, both of whom have long term health issues. And both of whom have in the past necessitated a change of plans. Its not that they ask me to change my plans. Its just that they are my family and I cannot bear the thought of them suffering/struggling if there is something I can do about it.
That is the key though – will my staying at home make any difference? Or will I just be watching someone sleep? Will my presence, my support, actually be missed that much? Am I doing my husband and/or son a disservice by cancelling my plans and making them feel guilty on top of everything else.
So, to go or not to go? When someone figures out how to answer this question, please let me know!